Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
