i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
