U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
