Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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