Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
