I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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