Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
