I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
