I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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