no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
