Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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