Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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