in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
