No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
