I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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