One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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