I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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