I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
