They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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