is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
