the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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