Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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