Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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