I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
