Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
