hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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