never play flip cup with pint glasses
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
