i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
