whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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