At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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