Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
