where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
