And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
