my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
