Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
