Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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