Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
