So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
