They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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