im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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