walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
