fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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