Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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