worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
