She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
