What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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