Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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