Tell her she can't have a vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
