You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
