weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I believe in your delicious
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
