i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my sisters under your porch take her home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
