Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
